The 2 AM Spiral

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Dear Reader,

It was 11 PM in Toulouse when she texted: "Going out with friends tonight! I'll call you tomorrow ❤️"

In Barcelona, it was midnight. I was already in bed.

I typed back: "Have fun, beautiful" with a smile emoji.

Then I stared at my phone for two hours.

I refreshed Instagram. Checked her last seen on WhatsApp. Imagined scenarios I knew were irrational but couldn't stop playing in my head.

At 2 AM, I finally fell asleep hating myself for being that guy.

This is the part of long-distance nobody posts about.

The Jealousy Nobody Admits

Here's what's true: When you can't see what someone's doing, your brain fills in the blanks.

And brains? They're terrible storytellers. They always pick the worst plot.

She's laughing with friends at a bar. You're alone with your thoughts. Some guy probably bought her a drink. Maybe she's not even thinking about you.

Stop.

That's not jealousy. That's fear dressed up as protection.

Dr. John Gottman found that 67% of relationship anxiety comes from assuming the worst about your partner's intentions, even with zero evidence.

Long-distance doesn't create this. It just removes the antidote: physical presence.

When she's next to you, you see she's choosing you. When she's 500 kilometers away, you have to believe she's choosing you.

That's the hardest part.

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What I Did Wrong (And What Actually Worked)

The night she went out, I did everything wrong:

I checked her location. Scrolled through who viewed her Instagram story. Sent a "you okay?" text at 1 AM that was really "I'm not okay."

The next morning, she called. I could hear it in her voice. She was exhausted. Not from the night out. From managing my anxiety.

"Do you not trust me?" she asked.

And I had to sit with that question.

The truth: I trusted HER. I didn't trust the distance. I didn't trust that I was enough from this far away.

Here's what I learned to do instead:

Before she goes out: "Have an amazing time. I might feel weird tonight because I miss you and my brain is stupid. That's MY thing to handle, not yours. I love you."

Naming the feeling disarms it. It stops me from making it her problem.

While she's out: I do something that makes me feel like ME. Not "her boyfriend waiting by the phone." I write. Work on projects. Call a friend. Live my life.

Because here's the shift: The more I built my own life, the less I needed constant proof of hers.

When she gets home: She sends a voice note. Tells me about her night. I listen without interrogating. Without fishing for reassurance.

Trust isn't built by controlling someone. It's built by choosing to believe them, over and over, until the fear gets quieter.

The Conversation You're Avoiding

If jealousy is eating you alive, you need to have this talk:

"Hey, I need to tell you something vulnerable. When you go out, I sometimes spiral. It's not about you. It's about me feeling far away and scared. I'm working on it, but I wanted you to know. What do you need from me when you're out? And what can I do to feel more secure?"

This makes you HUMAN, not controlling. It invites her into the solution instead of making her the problem.

Most people don't leave because of distance. They leave because of how their partner handles the distance.

What Trust Actually Means

Trust doesn't mean you never feel jealous.

Trust means you feel it and you DON'T let it dictate your actions.

You don't check her phone. You don't demand real-time updates. You don't make her pay for your insecurity.

You sit with the discomfort. You remind yourself why you chose her. You remember that love always requires a leap of faith.

The moment you stop needing constant proof is the moment you become someone worth choosing.

Because confident love? The kind that says "I trust you completely, go live your life"?

That's the sexiest thing you can offer.

The Truth I'm Still Learning

She can't fix your jealousy. Only you can.

By building a life so full that her night out doesn't threaten your sense of self.

By trusting her until she gives you a reason not to.

By remembering that the distance is temporary, but the way you treat her now? That's permanent.

Some nights are still hard. I still catch myself refreshing her last seen.

But now I notice it. I breathe. I put the phone down.

And I choose to believe in us.

Even when my brain tries to write a different story.

With all my heart (trusting you from Toulouse),

Virtuelux,

P.S. Have you struggled with jealousy in your LDR? Reply and tell me what helped (or what didn't). Your honesty might help someone else feel less alone.